Distance and closeness:

Two suggestions for dealing with inner imbalance

First suggestion: It may sound absurd, because it concerns the topic of distance and closeness: The aim (I think we can all agree on this) is to communicate closeness, a bond with the patient. In order to achieve this, you should first of all distance yourself from the framework conditions described and also the specific communication behaviour of some patients by realising that every communication with a patient is always part of the therapy. It also helps to realise, for example, that your colleagues at “Doctors without Borders” (in hospitals, health insurance practices, vaccination centres…) have even worse framework conditions than you do.

Healing is and has always been an extraordinary job throughout the centuries and one that comes with heavy burdens. Healers proclaim hope, long suffering and sometimes death. This requires emotional strength and a strong ego. Compassion must not become pity, otherwise you lose your strength.

A healthy egoism, which ensures that one’s own batteries remain or become full, is the prerequisite for any fruitful medical activity. Strong relationships in private life are the foundation for this.

Second suggestion: Each of us is sometimes a burden to those around us (even great people can be a burden). This is normal and okay, it just shouldn’t be denied. In the medical profession, it is particularly important not to allow yourself to be drawn into the abysses and deficits of your environment, but to create a protective space into which you can withdraw. Organise resources.

An important approach should be that people have never been better off than they are today – even if the present always has its own problems that need to be overcome. At the moment, we are living in a phase of downturn, where decadence dominates and depression arises.

Since people have been regarded as mere consumers in many areas, they sometimes feel like commodities themselves: they oscillate between the antagonisms of use value and exchange value – used, consumed, devalued, disposed of. Nursing and old people’s homes show this omnipresent disgrace.

In the past, the elderly were seen as wise. The consumer society, on the other hand, relies almost entirely on the adolescent generation. In a society that is so consumer-orientated, the elderly are seen as conservative and seemingly useless. What a fatal mistake! The fight against isolation and ideological disputes, in favour of synergy and synthesis, for the restoration of interpersonal relationships, begins with connecting communication.

Here is some advice that may sound strange at first: build on the positive, give compliments, provide positive mirrors. Mind you: the distance is there to generate the tools of communication in order to create closeness.

The tools of strategically managed communication – examples

Every strategically guided communication always begins with building rapport “I can well understand that you are full of mistrust these days, I am too and at the same time we know that you need help, so I’ll make the following suggestion…”

“A bad mood is characteristic of the current situation, but you are here because you need support, so I suggest…”

If you have doubts about alternative healing methods: “You’re in good company. The Catholic Church also recently rehabilitated Galileo and recognised that the earth is not a disc. It’s the same with quantum mechanics: 100 years old and still not accepted by everyone. I recommend that you take a look at “Schrödinger’s cat”. Since you’re already here, I suggest…”

Admittedly, a little sarcastic, but such objection treatments are sometimes necessary.

The second step involves pacing or creating harmony:

“I also react very intensely to every breach of trust, just yesterday I experienced…”

“Exactly, with so much information you often don’t know how to orientate yourself… I myself experienced this a week ago…”

“I have a lot of sympathy for dissatisfaction in the workplace. I myself would have preferred to close my practice just yesterday…”

The next step is to elicit, to find out what exactly and specifically led to an opinion or assumption:

“In which case has your trust disappeared?”

“Who exactly betrayed you?”

“What exactly were you led to believe?”

All statements should be substantiated by asking: “Always? Every time?”

Once the situation has become clearer, leading comes into play, i.e. the attempt to come to a mutual agreement with the dialogue partner:

“Suppose I could eliminate your mistrust…”

“Solve your problem… would that be something for you?”

“That’s exactly why I’m suggesting that we…”

The most successful tool is reframing, i.e. changing the framework conditions

You put the statements and information into different contexts, and you have a better result:

“Be happy that your body is making itself known. I’ve also had patients who didn’t notice anything and arrived far too late…”

“Pain is sometimes an indispensable side effect of sustainable healing processes…”

These are examples of communication that demonstrates respect because strategic communication is by no means manipulative, as some readers might assume.

Why communicate strategically?

Every healthcare professional must show leadership in communication in order to gain trust. Through guided communication, the patient receives the most important thing they need for their recovery: Respect, compassion and leadership.

Communication should move people, and it only does so if it is used in a spirit of togetherness. Being bossy is a battle, rarely communication and never really convincing. Building bridges between employees and patients and really convincing them.

The NLP communication techniques alluded to have occasionally been criticised. When selling goods, in a pure sales situation, this is also true. Therefore

I advocate their use in other professions and in private life, because this type of communication teaches respect for one another. To do this, however, you have to have stepped out of any kind of ownership relationship with partners.

“I see it like you do. I hope you have a nice evening too. How exactly do you recognise a nice evening for yourself?”

Who wouldn’t like to have such a strong communicative partner?

Numerous NLP techniques and tools have been published in books and take up several metres of shelf space in specialist bookshops. I have therefore only touched on them here [1].